MAR_25_19_MOM_TOW_From Mom
Hey there Mom!!
It makes me happy to hear that the ward is so missionary minded, and that we're getting more members back into the ward. I'm sure dad is happy about that as well, as it is somewhat his responsibility to lead the missionaries in the ward. And also somewhat his responsibility to contact less Actives in the ward, as a member of the Elders Quorum Presidency. It's such a privilege to be engaged in the gathering of Israel, this, the most important work on the planet right now.
Yup, I remember the Goddards! Glad they're doing well!
Yeah, the weather is warming up quite a bit over here. I'm kinda bummed about it, as I prefer the colder weather, to be quite honest. I'd rather wear layers than be drenched in sweat due to the humidity and walking so much. But right now is 40 to 50 degrees or so, which is nice. Elder Seeley and I went on a walk yesterday and enjoyed the cool, not freezing air.
So, as expected, I will be staying here for another transfer. I'm happy about that. I love this ward, love these people, love my companion, and love my mission. Elder Seeley will still be my companion. I will likely be with him next transfer as well, but let's not get ahead of myself. I am still District Leader, which I'm excited but somewhat bummed about. I kind of wanted President Bednar to give Elder Seeley the opportunity for a leadership position, as I feel he is ready for that responsibility. But apparently I have more to learn as a district leader. I'm humbled to still serve in this capacity. I've been recieving SO MUCH Revelation pertaining to this district, I'm not necessarily surprised that I am still district leader. I've got ideas of what I want to do, what I want to train on this transfer. So much in fact, that I've got the next 4 District Councils planned out, which is UNHEARD OF for me. Obviously, I'll change them as the Spirit directs, but I feel good about this district. It's definitely the most diligent and Obedient district I've ever led, which is a blessing.
Speaking of personal revelation, I will be training on that tomorrow at District Council. Mom, I feel that my capacity to recieve Revelation has been increased exponentially for whatever reason. I feel as though the Holy Ghost is always trying to speak to me, I just need to listen to him. If you get a chance, read President Nelson's talk, "Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives" given in the April 2018 General Conference. That is now one of my favorite talks, as it outlines how to receive revelation, and why we need it. I'll probably talk about it in my weekly email to the masses this week, but on the off chance I don't, give it a read. Let me know what you think.
I'm glad you got the official day of my return! I still have not heard from Brother Johnson about my Homecoming talk, but I am assuming it will still be given on June 23rd. A lot of my friends and companions have been emailing me, telling me that they want to come to my homecoming talk. I've been telling them it's on that day. I would also like to invite some of my nonmember friends to come hear me speak, if they would like to. I was wondering if perhaps we were planning on having a homecoming party or luncheon or something? I don't really like or care for parties, but I would feel guilty if some of my friends drive all the way to see me (some are coming from as far as Arizona and Utah) and we don't have a luncheon or party of some sort. Let me know if that's an option. If it is too much work, however, don't worry about it.
Speaking of my flight, did you tell them that you want me to fly into Ontario? That's cool. I'm good either way. Just take into consideration as well if there are direct flights from Pittsburgh to Ontario. So although it may be a shorter drive, it may mean that I get home later. Idk. Whatever you think is best.
That's pretty cool that Bana and Tony are buying the van off of you. I'm gonna miss that thing, but I can see how they need it more than we do. I'm sure it will serve you well.
Yes, I received that text that you sent me last Monday. However, because it was past P-Day, I could not sign my lease. I will do that today. Thanks for the reminder. Thanks for signing it!
As for how this week has been... It's been a hard week. Not emotionally, but just.. draining, I suppose. I explained all of it to my mission president yesterday in my email to him, so I will just insert that for your reading pleasure:
"Dear President Bednar,
Wow, this week has been interesting. It's been a whirlwind of emotions, that's for sure. A lot of... well, sad things have happened. And yet, despite the less than ideal circumstances that surround me, I'm okay. I'm doing well emotionally. My feelings of anxiety are very minimal, and at times, nonexistent. A while ago, in a Zone Conference or something, you mentioned that we would be blessed with the Spirit, and feel peace and comfort in situations that betray peace and comfort. I feel that I am experiencing that now. As I mentioned, this past week has been really hard. And yet, for the time being, I am doing well. And for that, I am SO grateful.
Firstly, Bill dropped us. This is the furthest that I have ever come with an investigator and then have them drop me. We had taught him the first 4 lessons in their entirety. As he puts it, the commandments and the transition between us to the Scranton Elders was too much for him. He just isn't ready for that quite yet. And so he sent us a text yesterday essentially dropping us.
Of course, when Elder Seeley first read the text to me, I was devastated. Heartbroken. I have come to love Bill very much. Like, so much. As you know, these people are my why. They are what keep me going. I love them. The thought that one of these people that I so dearly love is turning his back on God shakes me to the very core.
However, I know and recognize that I did everything I could. No, I am not a perfect missionary. Far from it. I've got so much to work on. But I know that I am diligent. I know that I'm Obedient. I know that I have been teaching by the Spiri, as I have felt it testify through me more so in these past few weeks than ever before. I know that Bill has felt the Spirit. I know he knows the Book of Mormon is true. I know he recognizes that he's made the wrong decision, and will soon recognize the absence of the Spirit in his life. He has his agency, and I am so grateful he has his agency. I fought for that in the Premortal life, and will continue to fight for that right here on earth. I know he will find his way back home. Whether I'm the missionary that helps him there is irrelevant and unimportant.
Other things have happened this week. Mason and Cereneti are still progressing well, but we're unable to make it to church due to some personal circumstances. But they're still progressing nicely.
As you know, Elder Seeley and I have been sick almost consecutively. I was sick all last week, and Elder Seeley all this week. As you can imagine, that has put a bit of a damper on the work, and has made us cancel some appointments. Admittedly, it's been frustrating, but we can't really do too much about it. We can just trust that the Lord will see the efforts we are making, and that it will be enough.
Elder Seeley is not doing very well, President. As you know, Elder Seeley is a very driven individual. Probably too driven for his own good. These past two weeks have been very difficult for him, since we've been so sick. He doesn't like just sitting around, and blames himself for being sick. He blames himself for Bill dropping us, and the fact that we have been unable to find any new people due to physical incapability. He feels that for some reason, it is his fault that our area has taken a hit.
Of course, this notion is RIDICULOUS.
He was not doing very well especially yesterday, when Bill sent us the text informing us that he no longer wants to meet with us. Elder Seeley lost it and became noticably distraught, almost depressed. I know what it looks like because I've experienced it myself. His feelings of inadequacy have come back with a vengeance, and along with that, his physical symptoms have gotten worse. He was having serious doubts last night about his capacity to be a missionary.
Of course, I had to give him a pump up talk. A pump up talk that Elder Marcum would have been proud of. It seemed to help him a bit, but he woke up this morning still noticably sad. He asked for a blessing, which I gladly gave. It is probably the 3rd or 4th blessing I have given him over the past 2 weeks.
I'm trying my best to help the kid. He was improving for so long, and then this sickness and drop have put him over the top again. He struggles with confidence so much, just like I did, and just like Elder Lin did. It almost makes me want to make him do everything, as thats essentially what Elder Payne did for me. And that allowed me to develop I confidence and proficiency. I don't know how else I can help, President. He's such a good missionary. Why won't he see that?
As I said, despite this difficult week, I am doing surprisingly okay. With being sick this past week, I had the opportunity to do a LOT of thinking. You know what I determined, President? My mission is the best thing that ever happened to me. I look back at the man that I was at the beginning and... I am unrecognizable. I am more confident, more social, more HAPPY. I have a strong testimony, a large gospel knowledge, and a LOVE for people that I never had before. I am so grateful for these past 21 months. And can't wait for the next 3!!
Love you President!
Elder Gonzales"
President Bednar then sent this letter in response:
"I read Elder Seeley's letter right before reading yours. I know our letters are private but in all honesty I think it would be great if Elder Sealy would be willing to read to you what I wrote in response to his. Not only because it pertains to Bill and response to your thoughts about Bill but also because I think it would help you understand what I have counseled elderseal about how he is feeling and I think that would be important. Just as much as that I think it would be equally good if you would be willing to read the letter you wrote to me to Elder Seeley. So much of what you explain are things that he needs to experience and understand. I realize I'm inviting a reading Festival here but if your companion is willing to read to you what I wrote to him in response to his letter and if you are willing to read your letter to him I think it would be beneficial to him and help you as you continue to help him."
We did that exercise. Hopefully it helped him. Elder Seeley and I really are so similar. I hope that the fact that I was able to make it to 21 months thus far with my limitations provides him with a little bit of hope that there IS Light at the end of the tunnel. I think that was President' intent in having me read my letter to him.
So yeah. It's been a hard week. But as I said in my letter to him, I am doing well. Surprisingly well. So no need to be concerned about me. Just keep praying for Bill and for my other investigators. This area is currently struggling for some reason, but primarily due to the agency of the people we are teaching. We're still working our butts off with the physical limitations we have. I'm feeling mostly healthy now. Just a little lingering cough. But like I said, we're doing our best, and Heavenly Father doesn't expect anything more than that.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long email! I love you! I'm happy! And I know this gospel is true! Until next week!
Elder Jake Gonzales
It makes me happy to hear that the ward is so missionary minded, and that we're getting more members back into the ward. I'm sure dad is happy about that as well, as it is somewhat his responsibility to lead the missionaries in the ward. And also somewhat his responsibility to contact less Actives in the ward, as a member of the Elders Quorum Presidency. It's such a privilege to be engaged in the gathering of Israel, this, the most important work on the planet right now.
Yup, I remember the Goddards! Glad they're doing well!
Yeah, the weather is warming up quite a bit over here. I'm kinda bummed about it, as I prefer the colder weather, to be quite honest. I'd rather wear layers than be drenched in sweat due to the humidity and walking so much. But right now is 40 to 50 degrees or so, which is nice. Elder Seeley and I went on a walk yesterday and enjoyed the cool, not freezing air.
So, as expected, I will be staying here for another transfer. I'm happy about that. I love this ward, love these people, love my companion, and love my mission. Elder Seeley will still be my companion. I will likely be with him next transfer as well, but let's not get ahead of myself. I am still District Leader, which I'm excited but somewhat bummed about. I kind of wanted President Bednar to give Elder Seeley the opportunity for a leadership position, as I feel he is ready for that responsibility. But apparently I have more to learn as a district leader. I'm humbled to still serve in this capacity. I've been recieving SO MUCH Revelation pertaining to this district, I'm not necessarily surprised that I am still district leader. I've got ideas of what I want to do, what I want to train on this transfer. So much in fact, that I've got the next 4 District Councils planned out, which is UNHEARD OF for me. Obviously, I'll change them as the Spirit directs, but I feel good about this district. It's definitely the most diligent and Obedient district I've ever led, which is a blessing.
Speaking of personal revelation, I will be training on that tomorrow at District Council. Mom, I feel that my capacity to recieve Revelation has been increased exponentially for whatever reason. I feel as though the Holy Ghost is always trying to speak to me, I just need to listen to him. If you get a chance, read President Nelson's talk, "Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives" given in the April 2018 General Conference. That is now one of my favorite talks, as it outlines how to receive revelation, and why we need it. I'll probably talk about it in my weekly email to the masses this week, but on the off chance I don't, give it a read. Let me know what you think.
I'm glad you got the official day of my return! I still have not heard from Brother Johnson about my Homecoming talk, but I am assuming it will still be given on June 23rd. A lot of my friends and companions have been emailing me, telling me that they want to come to my homecoming talk. I've been telling them it's on that day. I would also like to invite some of my nonmember friends to come hear me speak, if they would like to. I was wondering if perhaps we were planning on having a homecoming party or luncheon or something? I don't really like or care for parties, but I would feel guilty if some of my friends drive all the way to see me (some are coming from as far as Arizona and Utah) and we don't have a luncheon or party of some sort. Let me know if that's an option. If it is too much work, however, don't worry about it.
Speaking of my flight, did you tell them that you want me to fly into Ontario? That's cool. I'm good either way. Just take into consideration as well if there are direct flights from Pittsburgh to Ontario. So although it may be a shorter drive, it may mean that I get home later. Idk. Whatever you think is best.
That's pretty cool that Bana and Tony are buying the van off of you. I'm gonna miss that thing, but I can see how they need it more than we do. I'm sure it will serve you well.
Yes, I received that text that you sent me last Monday. However, because it was past P-Day, I could not sign my lease. I will do that today. Thanks for the reminder. Thanks for signing it!
As for how this week has been... It's been a hard week. Not emotionally, but just.. draining, I suppose. I explained all of it to my mission president yesterday in my email to him, so I will just insert that for your reading pleasure:
"Dear President Bednar,
Wow, this week has been interesting. It's been a whirlwind of emotions, that's for sure. A lot of... well, sad things have happened. And yet, despite the less than ideal circumstances that surround me, I'm okay. I'm doing well emotionally. My feelings of anxiety are very minimal, and at times, nonexistent. A while ago, in a Zone Conference or something, you mentioned that we would be blessed with the Spirit, and feel peace and comfort in situations that betray peace and comfort. I feel that I am experiencing that now. As I mentioned, this past week has been really hard. And yet, for the time being, I am doing well. And for that, I am SO grateful.
Firstly, Bill dropped us. This is the furthest that I have ever come with an investigator and then have them drop me. We had taught him the first 4 lessons in their entirety. As he puts it, the commandments and the transition between us to the Scranton Elders was too much for him. He just isn't ready for that quite yet. And so he sent us a text yesterday essentially dropping us.
Of course, when Elder Seeley first read the text to me, I was devastated. Heartbroken. I have come to love Bill very much. Like, so much. As you know, these people are my why. They are what keep me going. I love them. The thought that one of these people that I so dearly love is turning his back on God shakes me to the very core.
However, I know and recognize that I did everything I could. No, I am not a perfect missionary. Far from it. I've got so much to work on. But I know that I am diligent. I know that I'm Obedient. I know that I have been teaching by the Spiri, as I have felt it testify through me more so in these past few weeks than ever before. I know that Bill has felt the Spirit. I know he knows the Book of Mormon is true. I know he recognizes that he's made the wrong decision, and will soon recognize the absence of the Spirit in his life. He has his agency, and I am so grateful he has his agency. I fought for that in the Premortal life, and will continue to fight for that right here on earth. I know he will find his way back home. Whether I'm the missionary that helps him there is irrelevant and unimportant.
Other things have happened this week. Mason and Cereneti are still progressing well, but we're unable to make it to church due to some personal circumstances. But they're still progressing nicely.
As you know, Elder Seeley and I have been sick almost consecutively. I was sick all last week, and Elder Seeley all this week. As you can imagine, that has put a bit of a damper on the work, and has made us cancel some appointments. Admittedly, it's been frustrating, but we can't really do too much about it. We can just trust that the Lord will see the efforts we are making, and that it will be enough.
Elder Seeley is not doing very well, President. As you know, Elder Seeley is a very driven individual. Probably too driven for his own good. These past two weeks have been very difficult for him, since we've been so sick. He doesn't like just sitting around, and blames himself for being sick. He blames himself for Bill dropping us, and the fact that we have been unable to find any new people due to physical incapability. He feels that for some reason, it is his fault that our area has taken a hit.
Of course, this notion is RIDICULOUS.
He was not doing very well especially yesterday, when Bill sent us the text informing us that he no longer wants to meet with us. Elder Seeley lost it and became noticably distraught, almost depressed. I know what it looks like because I've experienced it myself. His feelings of inadequacy have come back with a vengeance, and along with that, his physical symptoms have gotten worse. He was having serious doubts last night about his capacity to be a missionary.
Of course, I had to give him a pump up talk. A pump up talk that Elder Marcum would have been proud of. It seemed to help him a bit, but he woke up this morning still noticably sad. He asked for a blessing, which I gladly gave. It is probably the 3rd or 4th blessing I have given him over the past 2 weeks.
I'm trying my best to help the kid. He was improving for so long, and then this sickness and drop have put him over the top again. He struggles with confidence so much, just like I did, and just like Elder Lin did. It almost makes me want to make him do everything, as thats essentially what Elder Payne did for me. And that allowed me to develop I confidence and proficiency. I don't know how else I can help, President. He's such a good missionary. Why won't he see that?
As I said, despite this difficult week, I am doing surprisingly okay. With being sick this past week, I had the opportunity to do a LOT of thinking. You know what I determined, President? My mission is the best thing that ever happened to me. I look back at the man that I was at the beginning and... I am unrecognizable. I am more confident, more social, more HAPPY. I have a strong testimony, a large gospel knowledge, and a LOVE for people that I never had before. I am so grateful for these past 21 months. And can't wait for the next 3!!
Love you President!
Elder Gonzales"
President Bednar then sent this letter in response:
"I read Elder Seeley's letter right before reading yours. I know our letters are private but in all honesty I think it would be great if Elder Sealy would be willing to read to you what I wrote in response to his. Not only because it pertains to Bill and response to your thoughts about Bill but also because I think it would help you understand what I have counseled elderseal about how he is feeling and I think that would be important. Just as much as that I think it would be equally good if you would be willing to read the letter you wrote to me to Elder Seeley. So much of what you explain are things that he needs to experience and understand. I realize I'm inviting a reading Festival here but if your companion is willing to read to you what I wrote to him in response to his letter and if you are willing to read your letter to him I think it would be beneficial to him and help you as you continue to help him."
We did that exercise. Hopefully it helped him. Elder Seeley and I really are so similar. I hope that the fact that I was able to make it to 21 months thus far with my limitations provides him with a little bit of hope that there IS Light at the end of the tunnel. I think that was President' intent in having me read my letter to him.
So yeah. It's been a hard week. But as I said in my letter to him, I am doing well. Surprisingly well. So no need to be concerned about me. Just keep praying for Bill and for my other investigators. This area is currently struggling for some reason, but primarily due to the agency of the people we are teaching. We're still working our butts off with the physical limitations we have. I'm feeling mostly healthy now. Just a little lingering cough. But like I said, we're doing our best, and Heavenly Father doesn't expect anything more than that.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long email! I love you! I'm happy! And I know this gospel is true! Until next week!
Elder Jake Gonzales
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